Yankee Engineer + Cajun Designer = TROUBLE!

It started as a great day!

2011-09-01T09:15:00.001-07:00

It was a bright and hot September day. I had just started college a few weeks back, and I was finally starting to feel comfortable out it the real world. I was wearing a marune, sleeveless turtleneck with a pair of jean shorts. I wanted to try out my new blouse I had bought because I was getting ready to start my new job at the hospital next week. It was the week I had off between my old job and my new one. y first class wasn't until 9:30 so I was able to sleep in a bit. I usually turned on the news when I was getting ready but today i decided to turn on the radio. It was a georgeous day in southern Louisiana but also very hot. I remember I had to stop for gas before I left the neighborhood. There was a small station in the front of the neighborhood. I drove to school and had on a CD. I didn't feel like hearing talking on the morning show I normally listened to so I put in my favorite CD. I got to the lot got on the bus and headed off to campus. I got to my classroom and sat down. As I was getting all my books out for Algebra a girl in my major who I had known for only a few weeks walked in and asked if we had heard about the plane crash. I didn't say a thing but I remember my professor saying I heard. Isn't it crazy. They talked how a plane had flown into the WTC. Class started and we went about our way. When class was over I haad to walk to the psychology building and I remember every conversation I heard on the way was about these planes crashing. I walked into my Psych class and sat in the front as usual and starting talking to my friend asking if she heard and we both only knew the basics. I will never forget what happened next. My psych professor walked in with the saddest face I had ever seen on a person. Now this was a man who was full of life for every class. He could hold our attention with his stories and teaching. Something was very wrong. I remember word for word what he said. "This is a sad day, even if the university would allow me to I couldn't teach. My heart is sad and broken." he then told us to go home and make sure we tell our loved ones how much they mean to us. This is when I heard and realized what exactly had gone on and what had happened. I walked to the bus and got on. As soon as the bus brought us to the lot. I got in my car and turned on the radio. I knew if it was as bad as everyone was saying they would be talking about it on the radio. I got in threw my backpack in the backseat and crancked the car on and blasted the AC. I will never forget the first words I heard. "People are jumping! They are just jumping out of the building!" At that very moment I couldn't breathe, at that very moment I realized this was horrible. Looking back now, at that very moment I lost my innocents that our world was safe and we were no longer protected. I had to go to the local pool shop to refill our candy machine for my dads business. I had a pager then. My parents thought I should have something since I was starting college. I got a page from my mom. I drove in tears listening to everything that was happening. I had tears of sorrow. I got the local pool place and asked the girl behind the counter if she was watching what was going on. I will always remember how hard and hateful she was. He responce was that some idiot flew a plane into a big building. I asked if I could use her phone. I called my mother and I remember her saying, she knew nothing was happening in Louisiana but when something so terrible happens all you want to do is check on your child and hear their voice. I now understand what she meant. I finished what I had to do and then went home. I turned on my tv and pulled out my math books to do my homework. After an hour I went to m grandparents house. I didn't want to be alone. I remember feeling scared by myself. Like maybe someone would jump out of a corner. As the day went on we all learned what we all know now. I watched the presidents speech that night like every other American. I will never forget how close we became as a city, state and nation in the following weeks.
Every person has their own story, and every generation has their own feeling. I believe that day was the day that my generation lost their innocents. We had been thrust into the world 14 weeks earlier and were so excited about all that we could do and become. There was NOTHING to be scared of. We were protected from all the bad things in the world and all the bad guys by huge and deep oceans. All that bad stuff happened over there not here. It was good here. I may not have been in NY, Washington, or Penns that day. I may not know a single soul that died. I also may not have ran for my life or lost a family member. But this effects me. I will never forget that day, where I was or even what I was wearing. This Sept 11 my son and I will be getting on a plane. We are going home for a visit. I had initially said I would never fly on 9/11. But then I realized if I do that then they win, and I refuse to lose. My thoughts and prayers are with the families, victims, and all American this 9/11.

Starting to look back

2011-08-17T15:03:00.000-07:00

As fall creeps around the corner, all I can think about is what I was doing last year at this time. All I could think about was the fall. It was going to bring great things. A baby shower, a big cute belly, and of course my baby boy. It's so bittersweet to see how far we've come in the past year. It just blows my mind that his frost birthday is approaching. I feel like it was yesterday that I was complaining it was to hot to be pregnant. I've also been thinking how much my husband and I have grow up, and grown closer since he was born. Our priorities have shifted and the world is a much scarier place now. We have so many things to think about and consider for everything we do. I'm also realizing that as we get older we have the ability to grow apart from some and grow closer to others. I also have to say I have the best husband in the world. It does't get better than this. I am on cloud nine and living the good life!

We can crawl!

2011-08-01T15:19:00.000-07:00

And boy can we move now!

I finished swimming lessons!

2011-07-20T10:34:00.001-07:00

Daily Routine

2011-06-28T14:24:00.000-07:00

So someone asked me the other day to post our daily routine. Here it is!

6:00-6:30 Wake and play in bed for a few minutes
6:30-7:00 Go to the kitchen Isaac plays in his walker while I get breakfast ready
7:00-7:30 Breakfast Time
7:30-8:00 More wailer time while I pick up breakfast and clean the kitchen
8:00-9:00 Floor play time and or bouncer
9:00-10:00/10:30 Bottle and Nap Time
10:00/10:30- 11:00 Get Dressed and Snack TIme
11:00-12:00 Stroller/Run Errands (Get out of the house)
12:00-12:30 Lunch Time
12:30-1:45 Play/ Gymboree/ Finish running Errands
1:45-2:30/3:00 Bottle Nap
2:30/3:00-4:30 Play Time/ Reading
4:30-5:00 Dinner
5:00-6:00 Walker Time while Mom and Dad Cook and eat dinner
6:00-6:30 Daddy and Isaac Time
6:30-7:00 Talk to Meme and Pawpaw on Skype
7:00-7:15 Bath
7:15-7:30 Bottle and Rocking
7:30 Down for the Night

Swimming

2011-06-27T10:11:00.000-07:00

So you know how I told you my son loved the water, well we decided to take him to the pool. OMG he freaked out. He loved it. In fact so much we decided to put him in swimming lessons. We had a great weekend. Went to the pool twice, took J and I to Gymboree and finished it off with a family BBQ yesterday at J's aunts house. I love weekends like this. Oh and to top it off we found out my aunt is coming visit next month. Yeah!!

Lake Days

2011-06-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

So my little man loves the outdoors. I can't tell you how much his mood changes if he is crabby and we go outside. HE LOVES IT! He also loves water. We should have named him Nemo. So the lake is obviously his favorite place these days. So I figured I would share a few pics from our trip to the lake yesterday when my family was in town! We had a blast!

Just to prove he's not always happy! It was time to leave:-(

Karma

2011-06-13T09:02:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I helped out an old friend with a summer class she is taking. She is also pregnant right now and I do have to say she is one of the cutest pregnant people I know. She is the friend your jealous of because the only way you know she pregnant is looking at her cute little belly. She's the friend you have that will walk out of the hospital wearing her pre-pregnancy jeans with no problem. She however is the nicest little thing, and her and her husband are going to make cute babies! Anyhow, she had to interview me for her class and all the questions were on my labor, delivery and postpartum parts of pregnancy. It got me to thinking last night about how in just one year my life has truly changed. How much different everything is now with my little man, and how much my marriage has changed. I LOVE EVERYTHING THAT LITTLE BOY HAS DONE FOR ME, TO ME, AND THE PEOPLE HE HAS MADE MY HUSBAND AND I BECOME. I was unaware how much more I could love my husband when the little man came into the picture. For example the best part of my day yesterday was sitting on the couch last night watching my 2 boys on the floor playing and laughing. It almost brought tears to my eyes. There is nothing I do now that I don't think how it will effect those 2 guys. I am absolutely in LOVE with both of them. They are my world and there is nothing I wouldn't do for either one of them. Anyone who knows me really well knows that my faith has truly been tested the past 7 months. I see things on a daily basis that make me question why things happen. For example, my little guy has some sort of lung disease. We will never know what it is, he has battled with it from birth, and we are constantly monitoring and are worried about weight gain. He is doing good today but we never know what tomorrow will bring. He can't live in a bubble but when he gets what other normal kids would consider a cold or sick, he will be really sick. He will always have to monitor his breathing and be conscious of his surroundings and doings. We did everything right. So why does HE have to deal with this. He never asked to be here, he never did anything to anyone but yet HE is the one who has to suffer, and it breaks my heart that I can't take it away or deal with it myself. Then I turn around and I see people who can't afford the kids they are having, or are having kids for the wrong reasons and there babies are perfectly normal. (which I am glad they are!) But it truly makes me question the order of things. Why does good suffer and bad celebrate? I've come to the conclusion that this is why I HAVE to believe in Karma. I know it may sound wrong and mean, but until you have watched YOUR child suffer in the NICU for 9 days, and have brought your child to the ER twice in 1 day because he can't breathe, and you walk away from EVERY doctors appointment once a month with NO answers and feel like you have just been beaten up emotionally and physically, you have NO right to judge me or my feelings. I have days where I get so mad at the world, that I am so bitter to those with healthy children it makes me feel like a horrible person. I shouldn't feel this way. But then I have my friends who remind me that I have every right to be mad, sad, upset, and bitter. That I shouldn't hold these feelings in because it will eat me alive. I know this sounds like I am always this angry bitter person. But, I am not. I only have these feelings on the days I see my little boy having a rough day, or the day I see my husband so worried about him it's eating him alive. The other 29 days of the month we are a normal happy family that acts like nothing is wrong. We are a strong, happy family that just has to blow off steam every now and again as I am told all families do. We just have a different set of issues. So wow I kinda went in a circle there. I am so glad I could help an old friend out, and I am glad it made me do some thinking. It made me realize after all the shit we have been through, it has only made us a happier, stronger family. And there's nothing more important than my 2 boys, but I've always known that!

I's First Lake Day!

2011-06-12T16:36:00.000-07:00

Hello out there!

2011-06-08T07:50:00.000-07:00

Again I know its been awhile! You have to cut me some slack I have a very active 7 month old! And just because I feel bad for lack of post, I put up a few extra pics! (I would have anyway.) So the reason it takes forever for me to bog is because currently my office is on the second floor and the only time I'm up here is to put Isaac down for naps and to go to bed myself. Well as of today that's all about to change. My contractor should be showing up any minute to start the remodeling on our formal dinning to turn it into our new office. We are putting in french doors and hardwood floor. We decided we needed the extra bedroom upstairs and the office on the first floor would be more useful! I am very excited!
Isaac is getting stronger, faster, and better by the day. We still don't know what kind of lung ideas he has and probably will never know but he is getting stronger and that's all that matters. I can't even put into words how much I love that kid.
I do have to say with all of this good news my heart is a little sad today. I have to say I am really losing my faith. Faith in why things happen as they do. I can't go into details, but some things are truly unfair. My heart hurts for one of my dearest friends, while I just can't pull myself together to be happy for another. Life is unfair. I don't understand why good suffers and bad gets what they truly don't deserve. Enough of that I know you want pictures!

7 months

6 Months

5 Months

A change of pace!

2011-03-28T07:34:00.000-07:00

So as a mental stress release from all the medical issues we face with my son. J offered up the idea of finally starting my photography business I have been trying to do for almost 2 years now. I am so excited to announce that on April 1st I open Brandy Burke Photography! I love that I can work when I want and as much as I want to. It's a great escape from all the stress. I have always been the kind of person that needs a creative outlet when things get stressful. And I can tell you by the massive amounts of hair my husband and I are finding all over the bathroom that I am stressed! So here's to an exciting week!

Brandy Burke Photography

Nov 4th The rest of the story!

2011-03-18T16:26:00.000-07:00

So I had finally started pushing. The doctor left me with my husband and the nurse. All I could feel was pressure. Pushing at the beginning felt great. I was more at ease pushing than relaxing. I was VERY slowly making progress. At 9 the nurse and my husband joked that we could have a baby by 9:30. YES!! Is all I thought. The longer I pushed the more frustrated I got I felt like nothing was happening. Gradually I started to feel alot of pressure. Like OK this pressure is getting painful. I expressed this to my nurse. J looked at my epi pump and to him it looked as if it was empty. The nurse said that it would beep before it ran out. The pressure quickly turned to PAIN. My epi failed and I could feel everything. The nurse left J and I in the room by ourselves and told us to not push. Looking back now I say WTF was she thinking? I had a good 10 very painful contractions that were off the chart and I told my husband to push the nurses button, I needed help. The next 60 seconds went as follows.

Me: Push the G D Button I am in pain

J Pushes button

Nurse at Desk: Yes?

J: She's kinda having a baby in here

Within 15 seconds my nurse, doctor and another nurse come running through the door. My doctor who I will now refer to as asshat says

Asshat: What's the matter?

J: She's kinda having a baby and I thought someone with a medical degree should be here.

Asshat looks at me and says I will be back.

My nurse stays with me and helps to push. By this time I am in horrible pain and an anesthesiologist comes in. He ups my epi but by this time my pain is to far gone to get back under control. by now it's 10:15 and I have been pushing an hour and a half. I AM EXHAUSTED! I am passing out between each contraction and I have no energy to push. The nurse calls for my doctor and we wait and wait. We waited an HOUR pushing and passing out before she comes in. I later find out she was in a C-section and tells my nurse to wait for her. She comes in and tells me I have 3 contractions to get him out or c-section. At this point I am so tired and hurting I don't care how he gets out .he doctor gets the vacuum ready to help him out. He is stuck under my pelvic bone .he next contraction comes and I PUSH. I have a second wind for some reason and I push like no one has ever pushed. THE VACUUM ISN'T WORKING. I scream at the nurse and doctor as they are figuring out that the damn thing isn''t plugged in correctly. I very loudly scream, "Are you fucking kidding me?" 2 pushes later they get it together and he pops out. They lay him on my chest and he is screaming. I help wipe him off and they whisk him away. My husband walks over and takes pictures and I just lay there with no energy left. A few minutes later they bring him back over for me to hold him and explain that they have to take him to the NICU for help. He is needing help to breathe. J goes with him and I quickly wake up! My asshat doctor and my wonderful nurse are about to do many not nice things to my lady bits. Now something they don't tell you is they have to "massage" your uterus after birth to get it to stop bleeding and for it to return to it's normal size. The word "massage" is bullshit. It hurts and it is almost as bad as an epi free delivery. What I found out later because at this time I was so tired and in so much pain and my baby was taken from me I couldn't concentrate for anything was that I wasn't doing well right after and I had to have a D & C, and repair work. Now normally if you have this they will give you major drugs for the pain because technically it is surgery. I HAD NONE! 0! I felt every scrap, stitch, pull and poke. And to make matters worse the asshat doctor messed up my repair work and had to pull all my stitches ans start AGAIN. It took and hour for me to be finished and after that hour I HAD TO GET OUT OF BED! I had to go to the bathroom and get cleaned up and try to urinate. Of curse I hurt so bad it didn't happen. Now we are 2 hours post delivery and I am in bed eating because I am so hungry. Once I m done I am able to visit Isaac in the NICU. J and the nurse roll me to my baby. I don't know it now but this is the only time I will get to hold him for 3 days. I hold my precious baby for 5 minutes and then I tearfully apologize because I am to weak and tired to hold him and am terrified of dropping him that I make J take him from me. I go back to m room and pass out for 4 hours before the real torture of find out what was wrong with my son.

Birth Story Nov 4 Part 2

2011-01-04T18:51:00.000-08:00

So here is a warning and don't say I didn't warn you. The rest of the story will not be sugar coated. Part 1 was the nice and fuzzes of our story the rest is hard, graphic and I will not keep anything back. I do this because the second I am going to think about getting pregnant again I am going to come and read this and when I don't whence and cry by reading it I will know I am ready.

So after I ate all of the box dinner they gave me J and I did lap after lap around the labor and delivery wing to either get my contractions going or to make me dilate more. The Dr had asked what time my water had broke and J asked how long we could go before he had to come out. We were told 24 hours was the limit. At this point I was almost 2 cm before all the walking. When were so up beat and excited. We knew by this time tomorrow we would be holding our little man in our arms. We walked and talked and laughed. We day dreamed about what he would look like and what he would grow up to be. We were thinking we were at the finish line. This was the final stretch. We were planing our trip home on Saturday as a family of 3.
1:30 AM came and we went back to our room. I crawled back in the bed and we waited for the nurse to come in. At this point I knew they were going to start talking drugs to get this thing started because nothing was happening. The nurse came in at 2 and said the doctor was delivering twins and they didn't forget about us that she would be in as soon as she was done.
4 AM the nurse came in and talked to me about this little pill they were going to give me to start thinning out my cervix. Now when I talked to the doctor at midnight and she started talking about Pitocin I told her how terrified I was of it. I had heard horror stories about Pitocin. I was trying to avoid it at all cost. The nurse gave me the pill and said I had to be monitored for 2 hours because it had a side effect of messing with you heart and the babies heart and I could have another in 4 hours if nothing happened. Well 4 hours came and went and nothing.
8:30 AM I realized Pitocin was going to happen soon so I called to get room service as J and I sit and play cards to pass the time. I was on a liquid diet so I got apple juice and jello. This is all I will eat until Nov 5. My new nurse comes in and tells me we will have to start Pitocin. I ask if I can have my epidural before they start the Pitocin and she agrees. I also ask if I can walk for 30 minutes to see if I can get anything going again before I get my epi knowing once it is in I am bed ridden until he is born. So we walk.
10 AM The aneseoligist comes in the give me my epi. Nothing at this point had scared me as much as this. He explain everything to me and get everything ready. Just seeing all he was going to use scared the crap out of me. The nurse talks to me as he starts and my husband stands by my nurse to watch everything. The part that hurt the worst was the numbing shot. However the scariest part was the needle for the catheter. As he inserted the needle I jumped twice which made my husband jump and then he fussed at me for jumping. The Dr got the catheter in and they put my legs in bed and my nurse puts a catheter in my bladder and hooks me up to all the monitors/
10:30 Pitocin gets started and jump starts my contractions. I thank god I can't feel anything at this point because the Pitocin did it's job. My contractions were getting into a pattern quickly but my cervix was taking it's sweet time dilating.
2 PM I get checked and I am at 5 cm. Things are finally starting to get a move on. The nurse keeps uping my Pitocin every 1/2 and we are making steadying progress. We can see on the monitors that my contractions are starting to get off the chart. I am really thanking god for the epidural at this point knowing if I didn't have it life would suck BIG TIME! Dr comes in and says she is off at 5 and the new Dr will take over if we still don't have a baby by then but she still thinks it's possible.
4 PM New nurse comes in and takes my vitals. I am now running a slight fever at 99.2. I question if we should be worried and if this is OK. Nurse tells me this is normal during labor sometimes if you have been in labor for awhile. Which I have.I talk to my parents on the web cam and talk to the in-laws while they visit and distract us. I don't know this but at this time the nurse backs off my Pitocin which now stall out my labor at 8 cm.
Pitocin with out talking to the Dr and stalled out my labor. The new nurse suggest Tylenol to help the fever. (I am pissed at this point that the other nurse not only stalled my labor but didn't think to give me Tylenol to help the baby or me.) At this time antibiotics are ordered for me to start in my IV so they can get something in me and hopefully the baby before he is born.
8:45 PM Dr comes in and I am 9 cm but she believes I can start pushing if the nurse holds the little lip of cervix out of the way. So we start what we thought was going to be the homestretch of a long 24 hours. We still had no clue what was coming for us.

Birth Story Nov 3 Part 1

2010-12-28T09:37:00.000-08:00

I wanted to write this a lot sooner but as you will read it wasn't an easy labor or delivery and recovery wasn't easy at all.

Wednesday Nov 3
So that afternoon around 2:30 at work I went to the bathroom because I pretty much lived there the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy. Now I thought I had lost my mucus plug earlier in the day but that was apparently only bits and pieces. This was no doubt my mucus plug. I knew this really didn't mean anything. Some women will loose theirs days before they actually go into labor, but I finally felt like something was happening! That afternoon at work I took care of a lot of last minute things I need to do before I left for maternity leave. I guess subconsciously I knew something was going to happen soon. I left for the day laughing telling the other girl I work with that I hoped I wouldn't see her tomorrow. I came home and J cooked dinner and we ate. It was this little stir fry thing that wasn't very big but my stomach wasn't tat big anymore so I was eating small meals but just always eating. After I ate I went take a shower and then J and I crawled on the couch to watch our Wednesday night shows. I was so tired I don't think I moved from 7 to 8:30. At 9 I told J I was going up to bed and he said he would be up by 9:30. I went up and brushed my teeth and was walking towards the bed to crawl in when I felt this wetness on my leg. Now I won't lie I had lost so much control over my body in the last week of my pregnancy my first thought was, "crap I just peed on myself." Then quickly I realized it may have been my water. Now my Dr tells me at my last appointment 5 days earlier that only 5% of woman's water breaks before contractions start. SO I go on believing this is not my water. I am an idiot and I just peed myself. But I also know once your water breaks the clock is ticking and there is only a certain amount of time you have to get baby out before there are serious health risk to you and baby ( which we learn first hand later.) So I call the office so they can page the Dr on call and tell them what's going on. So I am playing on the computer while I wait for the call. Those 5 minutes seemed like 30. And of course my phone didn't ring it just went to my voicemail. So I really never got to talk to the Dr. She left me a message saying come in and lets get you checked out. So I walk downstairs and look at my husband. The conversation goes as follows,
Me: Hey Babe
J: Yeah (as he keeps his eyes on the Batman cartoon he's watching, I promise he is 29 not 16)
Me: Um.... Yeah... so I think my water broke and I called the Dr and they said to come in and get checked out.
J: Alright lets get moving ( Then random mumbling to himself which I have no idea what it was but knowing my husband the ENGINEER he was going down a checklist he had made in his head for this exact moment the second he found out I was pregnant and had been adding to said list for the past 9 months)
He proceeds to put the dogs out and fly up the stairs to our bedroom and change his clothes and finish packing faster than I have ever seen him move. In the process of this what e will call his "flash dance" he ask me to pack this and grab that. When I am not moving fast enough for him he says oh I will get it you just get dressed and get to the car. The whole time he is doing his "dance" I keep telling him I really don't think this is it. They are just going to send me home. I was in such a disbelief of what was happening. I was expecting that we would be leaving when I was have really bad contractions and I had labored at home for hours. (Looking back now I think my body was trying to start contracting the past 2 nights but as soon as I would fall asleep they would stop. More on this later)
So after I am dress and down stairs I call my parents and let them know we are leaving. J gets everything in the car and away we go. The entire trip I am trying to convince J they are going to send us home and this is a wasted trip. He spends the 30 minute drive telling me you are in labor crazy lady. The one thing I will always remember from that ride is both of us realizing the next time we walked in our house we would be a family of 3.
We got to the hospital and went up to L&D. They put us in a room and said they wanted to test my urine and wanted me to lay down for 30 minutes then they would check to see if my water had broke. My urine came back with some protein in it. The doctor came in 30 minutes later and as soon as she lowered my bed to see if my water broke the rest of my water came gushing and I mean gush out. She said you are officially admitted. You are not going home your staying. Then she did a quick ultrasound to make sure he was head down. They put me on the monitors to see if I was contracting and apparently I was a little. She asked me to walk for 2 hours and see I could really start contracting on my own. At this point I begged for food because I knew as soon as I got the epidural or starting really contracting it was all of limits. She must have saw the desperation in my eyes because she let me eat! As soon as I finished it was midnight and my doctor predicted we would see a baby by 5 the next afternoon. But oh how was she wrong. If we only knew what was in store for the next 24 hours.

I promise I am alive!

2010-12-27T17:50:00.000-08:00

I just have a 7 week old who requires a lot of attention. I am hoping to write his birth story during his nap tomorrow but until then.....

2010-11-03T11:02:00.001-07:00

Dear Little Man,

I know I have made it so nice and cozy where you are. I know if you are anything like me change is not something you are excited about. However your dad and I are so over the moon ready to meet you. Not to mention all of your family and our friends. I will admit as much as I want to hold you I will miss having you in my belly. You have been mine and only mine for the past 40 weeks. I’ve felt every move hick up and good kick in the ass you dealt out. I won’t lie towards the end it wasn’t the best feeling but I won’t trade it for anything. Even without ever laying eyes on you yet I know you are the cutest thing ever. You have to be you have nothing but your dad and I’s good looks. And I do have to say we are a rather good looking duo so you have won the gene pool kid and you don’t even know it. I hope you have his skin tone and rugged adorable looks and my hair. Also I really hope you have his eyes and smarts. You are more loved already than you will ever know. Your grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins are already spoiling you rotten. You have more clothes and toys than you will ever wear or play with.

Now I do have to apologize already to you and tell you I am sorry. I figure you won’t read this until you are older and married yourself so I can let you in on my secret. When I grew up I always thought my parents knew this parenting thing and that they were perfect and that’s just it. Let me let you in on a little secret. Your father and I don’t know a thing. We are learning as we go. I’ll give you a minute to digest that. I will tell you this. We are great fakers. This whole time you have been growing inside me we have faked this pregnancy thing rather well. Most would have said we looked like pros. I tell you another secret. We were both scared shitless the whole time. Scared we or I should say I was scared I would do or eat the wrong thing, or not call the doctor when we were supposed to. Even though you are just days or hours (better be sooner than later) away we feel we did a bang up job getting you this far. Now this is not to say we are not going to make some mistakes along the way. I’m pretty sure there are going to be things and times and words we are going to wish we could take back, but I promise you this. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE NUMBER 1 AND WILL BE LOVED LIKE NO OTHER LITTLE BOY HAS BEEN LOVED.

So if you are going to be anything like me I hope this pep talk helped in making you feel better about coming out. I know I always was ready to tackle the world after my mom gave me one of her talks. So come on out! If your anything like your father, lord help us all you are now just being stubborn and fighting authority. If that’s the case I for see lots of struggles between us and if that IS the case you might as learn now, dad and I will always get our way, the right way one way or another. But you will probably take oh about 20 years to learn this.

Love, Mom

I need a clear cut sign!

2010-11-02T10:22:00.000-07:00

Because these maybe it is the beginning maybe not shit is really pissing me off! I need a clear cut, I am in labor sign. Because this is going to drive me nuts. Note to self stop googling. It will only drive you mad!

Checklist Complete

2010-11-01T07:33:00.000-07:00

Walking all weekend.....................Check
Eating really spicy food.................Check
Massage to hit pressure points......Check
Drive into the mountains................Check
Getting my labor and delivery on...NEGATIVE

Crap time for this to get moving!

39 Weeks

2010-10-28T10:02:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 39 Weeks

Total weight gain: 43 lbs total.

Maternity clothes: Whatever fits is what gets worn

Sleep: Between Braxton Hick and him moving this doesn't happen

Best Moment this week: ANy moment I can breathe and sleep at the same time!!!!

Movement: Slowing way down

Gender: Boy! All Boy!

Labor signs: Last week I was 50% effaced. We'll see tomorrow

Belly button: It's so out. I can't hide it anymore.

Cravings: Biscuits

What I miss: Everything. Don't get me wrong I am so happy I was blessed with my baby but I miss everything that I used to do for myself.

Stretch Marks: Yes

What I am looking forward to this week:Meeting the little man. J says he will be here on Halloween. I'm going with this because I have to look forward to something or I might just cry. I am miserable.

38 Weeks

2010-10-21T12:25:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 38 Weeks

Total weight gain: 42 lbs total.

Maternity clothes: I have a total of 3 outfits as of this morning

Sleep: What sleep. I am unaware of what this is.

Best Moment this week: ANy moment I can breathe and sleep at the same time

Movement: He's slowing down. He is defiantly running out of room

Gender: Boy! All Boy!

Labor signs: I had a few of what I am pretty sure were Braxton Hicks the other night

Belly button: It's so out. I can't hide it anymore.

Cravings: Sweets.

What I miss: Not hurting. Not having to do a marathon to get up and walk across the room. There is nothing I do right now that feels normal.

Stretch Marks: Yes

What I am looking forward to this week:Being that much closer!

I am truly hoping this is the last entry I have, because I won't lie I am miserable!

Dreams

2010-10-19T08:14:00.000-07:00

So I had 2 dreams last night. I went to the Dream DIctionary to see what they meant. Here's what I got.

Breath ( I was trying to grab my breath before someone pulled me under water)

To dream that you are trying to catch your breath or that you are out of breath, indicates that you are experiencing some anxiety, tension, or fear concerning a new situation in your waking life.

Labor ( I was in labor and my husband was ignoring me)

To dream that you are laboring, suggests that your goals will take a lot of hard work to accomplish.

If you are a woman and dream that you are in labor, indicates your desire to be pregnant and to start a family. To experience or feel labor pains or Braxton Hicks contractions in your dream, indicate the anticipation of hard work ahead. If you are actually pregnant, then the dream serves as a rehearsal for the actual birth. The dream is trying to prepare you for labor and proper breathing.

It's time

2010-10-18T09:16:00.001-07:00

I have lost all patients with being pregnant and it's time. COme out little man COME OUT!

37 WEEKS!

2010-10-14T09:28:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 37 Weeks

Total weight gain: 38 lbs total.

Maternity clothes: Even these don't fit

Sleep: What sleep. I am unaware of what this is.

Best Moment this week: Today! I am considered FULL TERM!

Movement: He's in a constant state of motion. Yes start to feel sorry for me!

Gender: Boy! All Boy! There is absolutely no doubt after my ultrasound last Friday.

Labor signs: Bring it on. Anytime is fine!

Belly button: It's so out. I can't hide it anymore.

Cravings: Sweets.

What I miss: Not hurting. Not having to do a marathon to get up and walk across the room.

Stretch Marks: Yes

What I am looking forward to this week:Being that much closer!

I can officially start walking again. I plan on being as active as possible. I am determined for him to get here before his due date!

PSA

2010-10-11T11:25:00.000-07:00

I am done!
As of Thursday when this kid hits full term he is more than welcome to come out at any time. In fact I will be walking and doing many things to talk him out of there. Time for him to get his butt out because he is starting to make mine seriously uncomfortable!

36 Weeks

2010-10-07T13:54:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 36 Weeks

Total weight gain: 38 lbs total.

Maternity clothes: You know it

Sleep: What sleep

Best Moment this week: Today! J comes and stays home until the little man gets here!

Movement: His movements aren't nice and cute anymore. They straight up hurt!

Gender: Boy! All Boy! We get to see him again tomorrow!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 4 weeks. I would even say 3 weeks would be fine!

Belly button: It's so out. I can't hide it anymore.

Cravings: Sweets. I so want cinnamon rolls

What I miss: Doing things for myself and seeing my feet. J had to tell me the other day that my dress was dirty. I couldn't see it :-(

Stretch Marks: They appeared there ugly head last weekend. Uhh

What I am looking forward to this week:Being one week closer

35 Weeks

2010-09-30T10:55:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 35 WeeksTotal weight gain: 32 lbs total.

Maternity clothes: You know it

Sleep: It just sucks. I can't wait to sleep through the night again. In like 18 years

Best Moment this week: Everyday closer to the end is a good day.

Movement: He is an ACTIVE little boy. That's for sure!

Gender: Boy! All Boy!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 5 weeks. Ohh that's keeps getting smaller and smaller!

Belly button: It's so out. I can't hide it anymore.

Cravings: Sweets. I so want cinnamon rolls

What I miss: Doing things for myself and seeing my feet. J had to tell me the other day that my dress was dirty. I couldn't see it :-(

Stretch Marks: Nope fingers crossed

What I am looking forward to this week:Being one week closer

So I did get the new SUV last weekend. I love love love it! All I have to do is wash bottles and we are done!

34 Weeks

2010-09-23T13:10:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 34 Weeks
Total weight gain: 32 lbs total.

Maternity clothes: Oh Yeah! I am even starting to grow out of them

Sleep: I turn over ever hour at least. However knock on wood I think he has established night and day. If I am up right now it's because of discomfort not him moving.

Best Moment this week: Getting his room almost done and all his clothes washed. I am so close to done I can smell it

Movement: He is an ACTIVE little boy. That's for sure!

Gender: Boy! All Boy!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 6 weeks. Ohh that's keeps getting smaller and smaller!
Belly button: It's so out. I can't hide it anymore.
Cravings: Still sweets! Also chicken salad

What I miss: DOing things for myself

Stretch Marks: Nope fingers crossedWhat I am looking forward to this week:My new ride! I get my new SUV tomorrow and finishing the registry buying and finishing his room. I can't wait until Oct 1 everything will be done and I can spend the next couple of weeks just relaxing and walking.

Control

2010-09-17T12:11:00.000-07:00

Control on the on-line dictionary is defined as follows

–verb (used with object)

to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.

to hold in check; curb: to control a horse; to control one'semotions.

to test or verify (a scientific experiment) by a parallelexperiment or other standard of comparison.

to eliminate or prevent the flourishing or spread of: to controla forest fire.

Obsolete . to check or regulate (transactions), originally bymeans of a duplicate register.

I have learned what my biggest issue is with this whole child birth experience. I will have no control. Anyone who knows me knows I am a planner. I plan everything. I specifically get in the lane I need to be in when I get on the interstate so nothing unexpected happens and I can get off when I need to. I always have a plan of attack for the weekends and how we are going to get things done. It took me a year to plan our wedding. My theory is when there is a plan everything will go perfect. I gain this plan by taking control.

Guess what with this I have no control. Not even an ounce. I don't know the day, time, how, anything. This drives me nuts. I know what you are thinking. You are having a baby you will never have full control again. I say to you, you are 100% correct. However I can always have an idea of what to do or what's going on.

I've come to this realization after last night. We had our hospital tour. Now let me give you some history. My mom is a nurse my dad has worked in a hospital as long as I can remember and I myself worked in surgery for 4 years in college. I'm talking up close and personal in surgery. Nothing ever phased me, never got grossed out, never was faint nothing. I actually enjoyed working with patients and family very much. he experience though taught me I was never meant to be a nurse. Those ladies and gentlemen put up with way more shit than I ever could. But I did enjoy the time. I saw all the machines, surgeries, and even things normal nurses would never see. THIS NEVER PHASED ME, EVER!

Let's back to last night again. We saw the labor and delivery room, postpartum room, nursery and the NICU (god let us not ever have to walk in the room.) I did fine in ever room but the labor and delivery room. It made what is about to happen SO REAL. I think the down side for me is I know what everything in there is used for. I've never had machines and hospital equipment scare me. I thank god other people were there because my need not to embarass myself was the only thing from keeping me from crying like a baby. I keep telling myself it's just the hormones but I know better deep down. As J and I walked out I told him I have had way to much reality for the week. Between the epidural talk on Tuesday and then seeing actually where the little man will come into the world was way to much for me this week. You always have this mental image of how things will go and look and then you walk into it and it just takes your breath away.

Now I know a year from now I will sit down and write how big of a pansy I was and how much of a gobber I was freaking out. I know this because I know me. But I do have to say for now I am really scared, because I have to do this on my own. I can't tag out and let J take over when it gets to be to much.

So little man will be here anywhere between 27 and 62 days!

33 Weeks

2010-09-16T08:38:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 33 Weeks

Total weight gain: 30 lbs total. It's finally starting to slow down!

Maternity clothes: Oh Yeah

Sleep: So I have what's called Pregnancy Rhinitis. I apprently am one of those few lucky pregnant women who gets this lovely "symptom." The best part is it may take up to 2 months after birth for it to go away. So sleep? What sleep? Then when I do get to sleep I usually have a little someone who keeps me awake with his constant want to come out through my belly button!

Best Moment this week: SO much is going on right now they are all good.

Movement: He is an ACTIVE little boy. That's for sure!

Gender: Boy! All Boy!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 7 weeks. Ohh that's keeps getting smaller and smaller!

Belly button: It's so out. I can't hide it anymore

Cravings: Still sweets!

What I miss: Being able to pick things off the floor and tie my own shoes

Stretch Marks: Nope fingers crossed

What I am looking forward to this week: We have our hospital tour tonight, and my shower is this weekend! My aunt is flying in for the shower. I am so excited to have someone from home here. I love my in-laws but sometimes you just need a little of home!

*Side Note I have to go back to the Dr today for a repeat BP check. It was a little high last week. So say a little pray, cross your fingers what ever you do and let's get a normal BP today so I don't have to go in every week and do blood work and possibly have to have a c-section.

Women have been having babies for centuries why haven't they figured something better out?

2010-09-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

So we had our second birthing class last night. It totally crossed the line of way more information than I needed to know. I am not stupid I have always known how he was coming out but reality is really starting to set in. Scared Sh!tless is the best term to describe my current mood. The nurse described epidurals last night. Freaked J out because he didn't know they keep the catheter in you, and freaked me out because they have to tell you all the side effects and rare cases. So now I don't know what's worse, my fear of the pain or my fear of the epidural. So J tells me on the way home how nervous the epidural makes him and anything with the spine freaks him out because the margin for error is so tiny. And I calmly explain that he is not the one who is going to have a needle shoved in his spine so I don't know what he is freaking out about. His response, "Well if something happens to you and you end of paralyzed I am the one who has to take care of you." I know what he was meaning but he's lucky I love him or he might have died right there on the road home last night. He felt really bad the rest of the night he kept telling me I was going to be fine and you can't worry about the what if's. He realized he didn't make the situation better he only freaked me out even more. So I am officially in scared sh!tless mode. Please feel free to help me calm down.

32 Weeks

2010-09-09T12:46:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 32 Weeks

Total weight gain: We'll see tomorrow

Maternity clothes: Oh Yeah

Sleep: Last night was the first night of good sleep in a few days. I have MAJOR allergy issues

Best Moment this week: Our first birthing class

Movement: He is an active little boy. That's for sure!

Gender: Boy! All Boy!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 8 weeks. SINGLE DIGITS!

Belly button: A tad poking out. Just a tad

Cravings: Still sweets. Chocolate!

What I miss: Being able to pick things off the floor

Stretch Marks: Nope fingers crossed

What I am looking forward to this week:Nothing but everything. There are so many things getting ready to happen. I am so excited!

31 Weeks

2010-09-02T08:25:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 31 Weeks

Total weight gain: 28lbs I am mentally dealing with it

Maternity clothes: Oh Yeah

Sleep: I just had 2 nights of great sleep. Oh my it was glorious!

Best Moment this week: Right now they are all good ones

Movement: All the time. He has even found a new toy. It's called my hip bone.

Gender: Boy! All Boy!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 9 weeks. SINGLE DIGITS!

Belly button: A tad poking out. Just a tad

Cravings: Sweets and sweets! I made homemade ice cream this week. It was heaven!

What I miss: Being able to do things for myself

Stretch Marks: Nope fingers crossed

What I am looking forward to this week:My 3 best girlfriends are flying up from back home. I think they felt bad for me because I have been grounded my entire pregnancy and haven't been able to go home. We are going to have so much fun!

Parent/Baby Compatability

2010-08-30T12:44:00.000-07:00

BabyCenter had this great article I found.

Scorpio (Little Man)

About the Scorpio Child

Private and Mysterious

The saying "Still waters run deep" perfectly describes your Scorpio daughter or son. Calm as she may seem, there's a lot going on beneath the surface. As her parent, you may never learn all about what makes your little Scorpio tick because these children rarely reveal everything.

Scorpio children are strong-willed, passionate, and intense, and the need to feel secure drives them to control themselves and others. A strong, durable emotional connection is one of their primary needs, but, perversely, they may test the durability of that connection, often without realizing they are doing so.

Your Scorpio child may seem by turns affectionate, aloof, devoted, obsessive, loving, and manipulative. Scorpios have such range and depth of feeling that you may sense that your child is expressing only the top layer of her true feelings -- and that you could understand her a lot better if only she'd let you in on the secret.

Scorpio children thrive on the mysteries of life and have a knack for understanding others' motivations. They might love reading suspense stories or watching horror flicks from an early age, and they'll be drawn to complex friendships that really stretch them.

It's all too easy for Scorpio children to be drawn into obsessive, vindictive, and controlling behavior, so be sure to teach your child about the importance of forgiveness as well as forging balanced relationships with other people. If you guide her carefully, you can help your Scorpio child develop interests that will benefit the world at large, as she brings her focus, willpower, and determination to bear.

Pisces (me)

About the Pisces Parent
Through the Eyes of a Child

As a Pisces parent, you're incredibly nurturing, compassionate, and tuned in to your children's needs. From the time they're infants, you feel their pain acutely, and you experience joy at every discovery they make in this bright new world they inhabit.

In some ways, your own experience of life is like that of a child. You're less bound than some to the demands of "real life," and you're imaginative and creative in the extreme. You'll happily spend hours playing make-believe with your kids, and you'll be as wide-eyed and fascinated as they are with the wonders of the world.

You'll teach your children the importance of dreams -- of letting their minds wander, of tapping into their intuition, of trusting their perception of energies and forces that exist beyond the tangible world. You'll pass along your own sensitivity toward life's subtleties, and instill in your children a reverence for life itself. But children are sharp, and they'll pick up on your tendency to avoid reality in favor of your pretty imaginings.

Be sure to ground your dreamy energy with a resolute grip on reality. After all, someone needs to keep at least one foot on the ground! And you'll need to teach your children how to handle life's mundane responsibilities, such as adhering to a regular homework schedule, doing chores on time, and sharing wholesome meals together. In truth, it will be a positive exercise for you to perform these grounding tasks, and the whole family will be better off.

Aquarius (J)

About the Aquarius Parent
The Importance of Being Unique

As an Aquarius parent, you encourage your children's freedom and independence. You might have a zany or unconventional home life. At the very least, your family home is likely to be filled with your children's original works of art, projects-in-progress, and other objects of interest.

Since you're into pushing the boundaries of what's considered normal, you won't mind when your kids dye their hair green or try out an interesting new clothing style. To you, these forms of exploration and unique self-expression are what being young is all about! But you also have enough loyalty and stability to provide a strong foundation for your family.

You simply aren't bound by traditional familial or gender roles, and you're happy with your freedom. You've always cultivated a wide variety of friends and acquaintances, and you'll teach your children to be open-minded and curious about people from all walks of life. You'll also foster their ability to think progressively and come up with creative solutions to their problems. You'll serve as a model for looking toward the future rather than getting stuck in the present or the past.

Your main trial as a parent may be learning to open up to your children emotionally. You tend to be more comfortable with intellectual thought than with feelings, so you'll have to work on being tender and nurturing with your kids and resisting the urge to withdraw from them when they're needy or upset.

So in review Little man will be OCD, I will have my head in the clouds and J will be the rock of the family. Well that's great

30 Weeks

2010-08-26T11:24:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 30 Weeks

Total weight gain: 25lbs I am not happy about this

Maternity clothes: Oh Yeah

Sleep: I am appreciating the good ones

Best Moment this week: Spending time with J working on the little man's room

Movement: His kicks have turned more into rolls and hickups

Gender: Boy! All Boy!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 10 weeks. More excited than nervous!

Belly button: A tad poking out. Just a tad

Cravings: Sweets and sweets

What I miss: Being able to pick things off the floor and cut my own toenails

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week:Dr appointment tomorrow

I love my husband and all he does for the 5 of us. He is my rock and I don't know what I would do without him!

This is my whiney, complaining post

2010-08-23T10:47:00.000-07:00

I am so tired of the hot weather. I would seriously go to Alaska if I could get away from this. This is just too hot. I totally see where the phrasing a bun in the oven came from.

I am ready for my husband to be home and home for more than 2 days. I know he's doing this so he can be home in Oct and Nov but my god I want him home. For a week. That's all I ask. I am done with my alone time. I am maxed out on it.

I am ready to have my body back. Don't get me wrong I love feeling the little man move and all the fun stuff. But I can NOT get comfortable at all, sleep sucks and I am not a big person however this baby is a big baby. PROBLEM!

I want a drink. I could deal with the hot if I could have a nice cosmo or frozen margarita to counteract the hotness.

OK I am done. See venting works and makes me feel better!

29 Weeks

2010-08-19T09:43:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 29 Weeks

Total weight gain: 25lbs I am not happy about this

Maternity clothes: Oh Yeah

Sleep: I had 2 great nights of sleep. Followed by 1 horrible night. I've learned to appreciate the good ones!

Best Moment this week: Any moment the little man is moving is a good one

Movement: His kicks have turned more into rolls and hickups

Gender: Boy! All Boy!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 11 weeks. More excited than nervous!

Belly button: Flat.

Cravings: Sweets and sweets

What I miss: I miss my body and having it to myself and not worrying what I was doing to it or putting in it. But I wouldn't change a thing

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week:Being that much closer.

RhoGAM sucked ass. The nurse didn't appreciate the lack of compassion my husband had for me and gave him a hard time. This made me feel so much better. However my butt hurt for a few days. Not only is that needle big you can feel that medicine go in you and it's NOT a good feeling. After a little research I found out the shot is actually bone marrow and blood for RH+ people. Interesting. It's actually considered a blood transfusion.

What a Difference a Few Months Makes

2010-08-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

So I had this post in my mind for a few days. I got past the first paragraph great and then the second came and I just started to bawl like a baby. I had to stop 3 times to wipe the tears and collect myself. This in itself just proves to me that this isn't a phase this truly is what is meant for me. Or it's just the pregnancy hormones kicking in but I strongly doubt it.

Wow! What a difference a few months make. Anyone who knows me and knows me well would tell you I was going to be that girl that moved to Manhattan, living in a crummy apartment working my way up in a design firm in NY and having a blast doing it. I am a city girl. I was meant for that city and everything it had to offer and every good kick in the ass it had to hand out. I was ready to take it all. I would meet a handsome guy that was fabulously smart and ahead of the game and we would eat our Chinese on our little couch in our studio apartment and on the weekends would go out for cocktails with friends and enjoy the city like no one would ever do again. We would have a dog or two but would never really have children. That my friends, was my world and plan at the ripe age of 21 in the beginning of the summer of 2004. How 2 little months changed my life forever. I did meet a handsome guy that was fabulously smart and ahead of the game. However if you know the oilfield you know there really isn’t oil on the island of Manhattan. So I gave up that dream on one condition, that my husband, take me there at least once. As good of a guy he is he fulfilled that promise. As we went along on our journey I found myself wanting kids. So we hopped on that train a little over a year after we got married. Knowing that I wanted kids I also knew I wanted to work. I didn’t want to be that mom that stayed home and knew nothing outside of her little world of kids, laundry, dinner and household duties. I went to college for goodness sake. I didn’t waste those 4 years killing myself to walk away from it all just because of some little slobbery cuteness of goo. I was going to hold on as tight as I could to my dream of that working girl that was just as strong and smart as any man and could kick his ass if needed.

After 3 years of trying to get pregnant and one miscarriage I found myself pregnant in February this past year and was determined more than ever to make this mommy and work thing work for us. This was my mind set until about a month or so ago. I literally woke up one day and it just clicked. All I want to do is see this little guy grow up. I don’t want to miss a minute. I want to be that mom that is at school being the room mom in kindergarten in the middle of everything. I want to be the mom that sits down with my son for hours and cuts and paste because he wants to make all the ornaments on the Christmas tree this year. I want to be that mom that is the head of the booster club for the football or baseball team and organizes everything. I want to be at every game, awards ceremony, doctor’s visit, and teachers visit. I want to be that mom that all the kids know because I am always there and helping. I want this more than anything, more than high heels, board meetings, and industry lunches. I want to be so involved that I just don’t stop and am exhausted at the end of the day. Now I know it sounded like I looked down on these kinds of women before. The women that stayed home, but I didn’t. I never looked down on them. I have always understood what they did was hard work. I grew up with a mother and a step mother that never had the chance to stay at home so I always assumed that to be as strong as them I had to be this power business women. Now knowing what I know and how I feel now I feel sorry for my mother and step mother. It must have killed them to not be able to be there all the time and see my siblings and I do everything. I now have respect for both sides and appreciate and respect what each do and can’t do. I never intended this to be a post about SAHM vs. working moms. I am just amazed about how much this little guy has changed me so much already and he is not even here yet. I love my husband and I love my life and looking back now I can’t imagine it any other way. This is exactly where I was meant to be and where I belong! I am meant to be a wife and a mom! Now I know I didn’t give up my dream of where I lived or what I was going to do, it has just changed and I love it!

28 Weeks

2010-08-13T12:35:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 28 Weeks

Total weight gain: I find out this afternoon at my appointment

Maternity clothes: Oh Yeah

Sleep: Oh it sucks. If I could find a way to not have my hips hurt I would pay mucho!

Best Moment this week: Watching the little man dance in my belly

Movement: He has been slowing down a bit. I think he's running out of room

Gender: Boy! All Boy!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 12 weeks. More excited than nervous!

Belly button: Flat.

Cravings:Sweets and sweets

What I miss: A good nights sleep but I know I won't be getting that back for at least another 18 years.

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week:Being that much closer.

I get my RhoGAM shot today. Boooooooooooo!

I just had THAT experience!

2010-08-06T11:19:00.000-07:00

You know when you watch a show and you just have to turn away because it makes you feel uncomfortable? Or you when you are yelling at the character to just stop, stop trying to make it better and just walk away? I just had that moment.

I completely embarrassed myself at Subway. After accidently tipping over ALL the lids for drinks, I proceeded to hit my cup on the counter and make my drink fly out all over the place. I filled my drink grabbed a lid off the floor and walked out in tears. I pretty sure the 3 people behind the counter in the store laughed their butts off at me after I left. I’m having center of gravity/balance issues.

Picture day!

2010-08-06T08:30:00.000-07:00

Putting Crib Together

A few outfits we just had to buy!

Furniture all together!

Our Stroller (It even has built in speakers for your iPod)

Pups trying to help!

27 Weeks! 3rd Trimester!

2010-08-05T09:13:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 27 Weeks

Total weight gain: I just pray I am under a total of 20 lbs next Friday at my appointment.

Maternity clothes: Oh Yeah

Sleep: Not really restful anymore. I can only lay on my side for about and hour before I have to turn over. As J says we sleep in the land of pillows.

Best Moment this week: Getting the furniture put together. Things are finally starting to come together.

Movement: The past 2 days have been crazy. Today however he is quite. J felt him kicking all evening while we watched a movie last night. It was rather funny.

Gender: Boy! All Boy!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 13 weeks. More excited than nervous!

Belly button: Flat.

Cravings:Sweets

What I miss: A lot but I am so happy to do it all.

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week:Just making it to another week!

It's Official

2010-08-02T12:18:00.000-07:00

I am permanently uncomfortable. And I am pretty sure I am starting to feel Braxton Hick's. Sleeping sucks and my body is in survival mode. This si what I get for walking 2 hours yesterday. Damned if I do damned if I don't.

26 Weeks

2010-07-29T11:45:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 26 Weeks

Total weight gain: Oh dear, I really don't want to say. Total 16 lbs. Holy Shit!

Maternity clothes: Oh Yeah

Sleep: I am back to good nights and bad nights. However I do not sleep through the night anymore. I am kinda glad for this so it won't be such a shock to the system.

Best Moment this week: Seeing the little man on the ultrasound. He looks so much like a baby now. I even think he has J's chin from what I can tell.

Movement: When he goes through growth spurts he goes nuts. He's kind of calmed it down the past few days, but I don't mind!

Gender: Boy! All Boy!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 14 weeks. I am half nervous half excited!

Belly button: Flat.

Cravings:Sweets

What I miss: Being able to sit for more than an hour and not feel like my sides were going to fall off.

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week:Just making it to another week!

A Work in Progress

2010-07-29T11:42:00.000-07:00

We started working on the nursery this past weekend. The blue and brown are just beautiful! I will keep putting pictures up as we keep working!

The Nursery bedding!

2010-07-23T10:44:00.000-07:00

How fricking cute! Monkeys!

25 Weeks

2010-07-22T08:31:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 25 Weeks

Total weight gain: Find out tomorrow. I have a feeling it is a good jump.

Maternity clothes: Oh Yeah

Sleep: We have good nights like the past 2 where I just pass out and turn over maybe once. Then we have nights like Sunday night where little man kicked and turned from 3 in the morning until 6. He is so getting me prepared for his arrival. My sleep now depends on his mood and how active he is.

Best Moment this week: Watching the baby move while laying in bed with J. We haven't laughed that hard in I can't tell you when. It was the funniest thing.

Movement: It's getting crazy

Gender: Boy! All Boy!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 15 weeks. I am half nervous half excited!

Belly button: Flat.

Cravings:If it's cold I am all about it! I love waffles!

What I miss: Bending over and not falling, not needing help to get up, eating like a normal human.

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week: Seeing the little man tomorrow on our ultrasound. Please send us good thoughts for his little foot!

I believe the honeymoon phase of my pregnancy is coming to an end. I am starting to get tired pretty easy again, and I am really starting to show. I have a feeling I gained a good bit in the last 4 weeks. This little guy is growing I can tell by the amount I am eating. It's getting insane!

24 Weeks

2010-07-16T10:15:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 24 Weeks

Total weight gain: Find out next Friday

Maternity clothes: Oh Yeah

Sleep: I have learned to appreciate the good nights when I can get them! Although they come rarely anymore

Best Moment this week: Watching the baby move

Movement: It's getting crazy

Gender: Boy! All Boy!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 16 weeks. . Breathe just breathe!

Belly button: J says I'm getting ready to pop

Cravings:If it's cold I am all about it!

What I miss: Bending over and not falling.

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week: Getting J home from business!

I am really hoping this sudden lack of energy is from all this heat. It really is getting to me!

So I'm back!

2010-07-12T09:15:00.001-07:00

I love coming back to work after vacation. NOT! Especially when nothing got done while I was gone. I think a few folks just sat and took there own work vacation while I was gone. So not only have I lost a week when it comes to orders but nothing got followed up on checked out etc. The real screwed up part is it's not my job to do any of this stuff. But if it doesn't get done I will get blamed. Like I said that's the screwed up part.

"Vacation" was nice. I feel like I need a few days off for some real relaxation. To top it off J left yesterday for Pittsburgh for a week so I am on my own. Believe me I love the alone time and I know he does to but after about 2 nights I am over it. I just wish he and I could get away for a few days. And not like a "oh let's drive a few hours and get away." A true getaway. Where an airplane is required. But that is not going to happen. So I am just sucking it up and moving on. I do hope however we can have some kind of little trip in the next month or so.

J's new job is going very well. They love him and he is liking it so much better. We don't have to worry about him being bored for a long while.

So we registered 2 weekends ago for the little man. We decided on blue and chocolate with a monkey theme. It's amazing how much stuff an 8 lbs baby needs. I think we spent 2 hours in Babies R Us and an hour in Target. We were so tired when we were done. Our formal dining room looks like baby land right now. We have all the boxes from the crib, changing table, night stand, rocker, high chair, and monitor in there. I am waiting on the room to get painted so J can start assembling all these things.

22 Weeks!

2010-07-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 22 Weeks

Total weight gain: 8 lbs total

Maternity clothes: Oh Yeah

Sleep: I have learned to appreciate the good nights when I can get them.

Best Moment this week: Watching J light up when he found out it was a boy! Wow that was awesome.

Movement: We've been having dance parties lately.

Gender: Boy! All Boy!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 18 weeks. . Breathe just breathe!

Belly button: It's pretty flat at the moment.

Cravings: Ice Cream, Chocolate Milk. Really anything sweet and cold!

What I miss: Bending over and not falling.

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week: Vacation and relaxing.

So it's July 1st. OMG! Where have the past 5 months gone. I started counting today on way in to work and realized it's a very realistic possibility that we could have a baby here in a little over 3 months. HOLY CRAP! I have a feeling after vacation I am going into panic mode. It's what I do best. I am the crazy one and J grabs my feet and places them back on the ground. It's required every now and again. Talking about J, he is by far the best husband ever. Even when he is on his business trips h thinks about me. He went last night to the mall where he is in North Dakota and saw there was a sale at Bath and Body works and loaded up on smelly good things for me. Now does it get better than that I ask you? I absolutely love that man to pieces!

Oh and one more thing. You know when you watch movies or talk to people that have been or are pregnant they will tell you how hormonal they are and weepy. So I totally expected this. Well I got the hormonal thing down I am just sure it is in the opposite direction. Pregnancy has made me mean in my opinion. I used to have so much patients and be nice and now I have 0 patients for mostly the people I work with. To think about it work really is the only place I am like this. I am not at all like this at home or out with family or friends. Hmmmm something to think about.

21 Weeks!

2010-06-24T13:30:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 21 Weeks

Total weight gain: Will find out TOMORROW!

Maternity clothes: Oh Yeah

Sleep: It's not that great at the moment

Best Moment this week: J got to feel the baby move! I could have cried

Movement: Yup!

Gender: We find out TOMORROW!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 19 weeks. . Breathe just breathe!

Belly button: J says it's getting ready to pop.

Cravings: Dipps. Oh how I love those little ice cream balls! I can not get enough at the moment.

What I miss: Nothing

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week: Do I need to say it again? TOMORROW!

It's a .....................

2010-06-23T09:33:00.000-07:00

Baby! I forgot to update a few days ago that my appointment got pushed back until this Friday. I know I am gluten for punishment! J had to go out of town for a few days at the last minute so we had to push it. He however made up for it with a very expensive purchase I have been dying for for about a year now! I now have the new photoshop CS5! Badass! SO he is forgiven. So we will find out Friday. My appointment is at 1:30. It's going to be a long morning. Good news however I have the day off!

On another note. The lack of sleep has made me notice how much bean has been moving at night. Normally I would think this is cute. Not after hearing the stories of how J when he was a baby DID NOT SLEEP AT ALL. I told J about this discovery the other morning and he just sighed and said we're in trouble.

I'm Pregnant!

2010-06-21T12:39:00.000-07:00

So I am not crazy and I have known for quite some time that a little one is on the way. However, I finally had my ah ha moment this weekend. It seems like for some reason in the past 3 days I have grown! I got my first stranger comment yesterday at Walgreen's. Or I should say J got a comment. The cashiers wished him a happy soon to be fathers day. I just look pregnant all of a sudden this weekend. To further prove this point all of a sudden Friday night I am having trouble sleeping. I CAN NOT get comfortable. My hips either hurt or I just can't lay on my sides anymore or I just can't get comfy. It's like all of a sudden I have this belly. It's been there but now it's like I AM HERE! I used to not understand why pregnant girls walked side to side. I didn't think it was a sympathy thing or anything I just didn't understand. I SO UNDERSTAND NOW! You can't help it, and I totally didn't realize I was doing it until I was walking back to my desk from the bathroom.

Oh and THE BEST part of the past few days? J got to feel the bean move for the first time on Father's Day. It was by far the best moment. I feel like he can really be a part of it all now!

A Little Comparison!

2010-06-18T11:08:00.000-07:00

20 Weeks Half Baked Holy Sh!t!!!!!

2010-06-17T12:50:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 20 Weeks

Total weight gain: I have gained 1 lbs since my last appointment 2 weeks ago. I will tell you how I know this at the bottom.

Maternity clothes: Oh Yeah

Sleep: Oh I toss and turn now. I sleep and then I get so uncomfy that I have to switch sides. Hubby pokes me when I am on my back because it's not good for baby and I wake up with numb hands. So I get poked once a night now.

Best Moment this week: Realizing the bean likes music. He seems to move every time I've got tunes going in the car!

Movement: Yup!

Gender: I'm done guessing well find out June 23rd!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 20 weeks. AHHHH same number as weeks. Breathe just breathe!

Belly button: J says it's getting ready to pop.

Cravings: Dipps. Oh how I love those little ice cream balls!

What I miss: Nothing

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week: We find out beans gender next Wednesday the 23rd at 2 pm. I am just so excited to see the bean again!

So I have had a very painful few days and a very tramtic day today. I somehow got a very bad ingrown toenail and had to go to the dr. I had to get SEVEN shots to numb the toe so I could get half of the nail taken off. The shots were quite painful and the toe was so gross. I think the doctor thought I was the crazy pregnant lady. I asked 20 million questions and about cried 3 times. So now I have a huge bandage on my toe for 2 or 3 days until it completes draining and I can't wear a show until I can not have the bandage on. The worst part I thought I was a big girl and went by myself. Way wrong answer. I so should have got J's mom or cousin to come with me. I really needed a distraction! But I did have great blood pressure and I did gain 1 lbs. I am starting to get worried about my weight. I have only gained 1 lbs in 5 weeks. I think I need to up the protein. But I am sure the dr will tell me for sure next week. Ekkkkkk next week I will know if we are having a daughter or son. OMG breathe breathe!

2010-06-15T08:33:00.001-07:00

19 Weeks

2010-06-11T11:55:00.000-07:00

No big changes so a comparison picture.

GREAT! FABULOUS! WONDERFUL NEWS!

2010-06-08T13:04:00.000-07:00

I got a call from the doctor today. They got all my blood work back and ever single test came back negative! That means I am not at any increased risk for any of the factors they were testing for. J and I both took a HUGE sigh when we found out. So great news today!

18 Weeks

2010-06-04T09:19:00.002-07:00

How Far along: 18 Weeks

Total weight gain: I gained 0 lbs since my last appointment. How I dod not know because the belly has defiantly grown!

Maternity clothes: Yup and they are so comfy!

Sleep: Back to good and bad nights. I have however been having some CRAZY dreams. Running over old boyfriends and boyfriends of my BFF

Best Moment this week: Hearing the beans heartbeat yesterday!

Movement: Yup!

Gender: I'm done guessing well find out June 23rd!

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 22 weeks. Ok I have to admit the number of weeks pregnant I am doesn't scare me. It's this number that keeps getting smaller that scares the CRAP out of me!

Belly button: In but It's a big open hole. Lol

Cravings: Flour tortillas with salsa and Chocolate Milkshakes Mmmmmmmmmmm

What I miss: Nothing

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week: Just enjoying being pregnant!

17 Weeks

2010-05-27T09:10:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 17 Weeks

Total weight gain: Will find out in 1 weeks

Maternity clothes: Yup and OMG why didn't I go shopping weeks ago. I finally feel like I can breathe again! It's glorious!

Sleep: I love it. My bladder has been holding out at night and J is so tired he doesn't move a muscle so we both just crash at night.

Best Moment this week: Feeling the bean move! It was wonderful. The first was at work after lunch. I called J right after and told him. I have been feeling the bean every day since!

Movement: Yup!

Gender: I'm done guessing well find out in 4 weeks

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 23 weeks. Ok I have to admit the number of weeks pregnant I am doesn't scare me. It's this number that keeps getting smaller that scares the CRAP out of me!

Belly button: In but It's a big open hole. Lol

Cravings: Flour tortillas with salsa and French Onion Dip! Mmmmmmmmmmm

What I miss: I do have to admit I miss my occasional cocktails especially this time of year.

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week: Going back to the doctor and hearing the bean and scheduling the big ultrasound!

So I do have to share this story from last night. I was sitting on the couch after eating dinner. Aqua decided it was time to play and brought me her toy. I yanked it from her. Well she does this bark/growling noise when she's excited. Well as soon as she did it the baby moved. So I threw the toy and laughed it off as a coincidence. Well Aqua brought her toy back to me and barked again and the baby moved again. I told Aqua you 2 are either playing or the bean is annoyed by your barking. It happened one more time and I just laughed!

Our First Baby Purchase

2010-05-24T14:44:00.001-07:00

It's the car seat, carrier, and stroller combination! I loves it!

16 Weeks

2010-05-20T10:21:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 16 Weeks

Total weight gain: Will find out in 2 weeks

Maternity clothes: A few tops so I can hide the unzipped zipper! I am going buy pants this weekend. It's just past time.

Sleep: Been great lately. Turning over at night is getting difficult. The best part was hearing J tell the bean good night last night! awwww

Best Moment this week: Getting to the 4 month mark

Movement: I'm (not so) patiently waiting

Gender: Boy. We will find out in 5 weeks

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 24 weeks

Belly button: In but It's a big open hole. Lol

Cravings: Flour tortillas with salsa!

What I miss: Not much right now. things are going rather well!

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week: Feeling the bean.

New things to worry about.

2010-05-17T07:46:00.001-07:00

My life has gone from carefree but on a schedule to planned and up in the air. I know sounds crazy right. We used to know exactly what the big picture was planned out to be. Where we would be in a year what position we’d be in work wise and it was a nice comfortable feeling. Now everything is up in the air! Not knowing what the next 2 months hold, where we will be, who we will be with. It’s all quite scary. I remember this exact feeling when Jason switched companies a few years back. I scared me to no end. However it turned out great. I guess what’s really eating at me is that every decision we have to make for the next year for everything depends on what is going to happen in the next week. I used to think no matter what happens the two of us will be fine. We have so much security that nothing could bother us. Now with someone new in the picture I think it just terrifies me of all the things that could happen. I need to just remember to breathe in the next week.

15 Weeks

2010-05-13T11:32:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 15 Weeks

Total weight gain: Total 4 lbs

Maternity clothes: A few tops so I can hide the unzipped zipper!

Sleep: I've had a few nights that insomnia kicked in but it's overall ok.

Best Moment this week: Hearing beans heartbeat yesterday. 155 nice and strong.

Movement: I'm patiently waiting

Gender: I have flipped and now say Boy. I have no idea why. J told me last night to that he thinks boy.

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 25 weeks

Belly button: In but It's a big open hole. Lol

Cravings: Eggos with ice cream on top!

What I miss: Eating regularly. This has been my biggest hurdle. Eating is not what it used to be for me.

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week: Hopefully I can feel the bean soon.

We did sale the extra bedroom set this week. So now the nursery is clear. Priming the walls are next!

14 Weeks

2010-05-06T08:04:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 14 Weeks

Total weight gain: I will find out next Wednesday

Maternity clothes: No but I defiantly need some pants. Even my belly band is starting not to cut it

Sleep: I love sleep! However turning over in the night is a challenge. It's not comfortable and there is always groaning going on.

Best Moment this week: Getting a box from my mom. She sent a box full of stuffed animals for the baby. I cried it was so sweet!

Movement: Not yet

Gender: GIRL. I am 99.9 % sure.

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 26 weeks

Belly button: In for the time being.

Cravings: Chocolate milkshakes! Mmmmmm J even made me homemade ice cream last night. I love that man!

What I miss: Eating regularly. It seems every time J calls to check on me I am always eating.

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week: Seeing my Aunt who is coming in TODAY and hearing beans heartbeat again!

13 Weeks

2010-04-29T11:57:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 13 Weeks

Total weight gain: Half a pound.

Maternity clothes: No however my regular clothes just don;t fit anymore

Sleep: I love sleep!

Best Moment this week: Hearing the monkeys heartbeat at the dr's office Tuesday. I had to go in for other issues so they checked the baby.

Movement: Not yet

Gender: GIRL.

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 27 weeks

Belly button: In for the time being.

Cravings: Chocolate milkshakes! Mmmmmm

What I miss: My flat tummy but it's worth it.

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week: Hopefully the complete loss of the morning/night sickness!

Hello World!

2010-04-27T07:40:00.000-07:00

Hello world!

My morning sickness is gone! Let's all sing in a joyous chorus. I still have a touch of night sickness but I can so live with it. I am starting to feel like myself again. I just wish I had all my energy back. We're getting there just not as fast as I would like.

We starting debating (and I say debating because that is what this will be) about names. J thinks he's in charge at the moment and I love him but he is crazy wrong. He told me 5 names and tells me these are what you can choose from. Oh honey you have no idea what you have just started. We really are 2 big kids. We will be stubborn for the purpose of being stubborn. Something tells me that is what this is going to turn into. I totally get he feels a little out of control right now and he feels this is what he can control but he is starting something he will not win. Enough of that I thought I would update. It seems the past month it's only been my weekly updates. We're here and still alive!

12 Weeks

2010-04-22T11:08:00.000-07:00

How Far along: 12 Weeks

Total weight gain: I've decided to only get on a scale at my appointments. This will mentally do for me.

Maternity clothes: No. Who ever invented elastic though I would love to kiss!

Sleep: It was getting back to normal and then all of a sudden this week I am getting up like 2-3 a night to pee.

Best Moment this week: Most of my first tri symptoms are fading. I am acting like a normal person and the morning/night sickness is I would say 85% gone!

Movement: Not yet

Gender: GIRL. If it's not a girl I will be shocked I just have this gut feeling.

Labor signs: Better not see any of this for at least 28 weeks

Belly button: In but the nice line it was is now a big o!

Cravings: My grandmothers crawfish etoufee'. If I could figure out a way to get my hands on this I would do ANYTHING!

What I miss: My flat tummy but it's worth it.

Stretch Marks: Nope

What I am looking forward to this week: Going on our mini getaway!

Yankee Engineer + Cajun Designer = TROUBLE!

It started as a great day!

Starting to look back

We can crawl!

I finished swimming lessons!

Daily Routine

Swimming

Lake Days

Karma

I's First Lake Day!

Hello out there!

A change of pace!

Nov 4th The rest of the story!

Birth Story Nov 4 Part 2

Birth Story Nov 3 Part 1

I promise I am alive!

I need a clear cut sign!

Checklist Complete

39 Weeks

38 Weeks

Dreams

It's time

37 WEEKS!

PSA

36 Weeks

35 Weeks

34 Weeks

Control

con·trol

33 Weeks

Women have been having babies for centuries why haven't they figured something better out?

32 Weeks

31 Weeks

Parent/Baby Compatability

Scorpio (Little Man)

About the Scorpio Child

Private and Mysterious

Pisces (me)

About the Pisces Parent

Through the Eyes of a Child

Aquarius (J)

About the Aquarius Parent

The Importance of Being Unique

30 Weeks

This is my whiney, complaining post

29 Weeks

What a Difference a Few Months Makes

28 Weeks

I just had THAT experience!

Picture day!

27 Weeks! 3rd Trimester!

It's Official

26 Weeks

A Work in Progress

The Nursery bedding!

25 Weeks

24 Weeks

So I'm back!

22 Weeks!

21 Weeks!

It's a .....................

I'm Pregnant!

A Little Comparison!

20 Weeks Half Baked Holy Sh!t!!!!!

19 Weeks

GREAT! FABULOUS! WONDERFUL NEWS!

18 Weeks

17 Weeks

Our First Baby Purchase

16 Weeks

New things to worry about.

15 Weeks

14 Weeks

13 Weeks

Hello World!

12 Weeks