Yup I'm still here!

I know gone for a while. So much has been going on. Family in, getting ready to close on the new house. Mass craziness. I do have to say however, normally I would be all stressed and freaking out. No I have had his since of overwhelming calmness roll over me in the past week. Projects have totally gone to shit at work all of which are on the part of other parties, and I haven't gotten mad, upset, angry once! I know crazy right. This is so not me. I don't know who this calm nice, HAPPY person is. I am singing Christmas songs and enjoying life. That angrier bitter person is no longer here. I hope she's gone and not just hiding somewhere. Now I know I've said things on this line before but this is truly different. How I know this? Well usually when I am in this good mood is in the middle of my cycle and then I get all mopey and depressed right before and at the beginning of my period. I started yesterday with no disappointment, no bitterness, no depression or rage. I have truly turned over a new leaf. Another reason, there was no spotting the past 2 months. When I am stressed and such I spot a day before I start. Finally, I am truly OK! I am not bitter about my miscarriage anymore. It still makes me sad and I still think about it almost everyday but I am not mad or bitter anymore. I see all the great things we've done or the opportunities we have had that we would have never been able to do or take if I had carried to term, and I am content.

I am truly seeing the good in the world again and am happy. Truly honest to god happy. I feel as if the light inside of me is shining and shining bright not only bright but a bright yellow like the sun! I wonder if that means anything. I will have to look that up!